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Sunrise
November 27, 2008

The silence of the night engulf my very being

Every tick of the clock ends every minute of the way

When almost of the clock is halfway to its beginning

Dawn comes as all creatures lay lifting every eyelid awake

Oh, comes the moment as the moon subsides when it welcomes the sun

That every creature awakens as darkness bequeaths its glory to light

The shadow of a velvety dawn disappears as the clear brightness of the day begins

Rejoice! as a new day sprouts bringing hope even to a withering soul…

Sa kadugay nga panahon ko nakasinati ug gugma, wala pa koy nakitang gugma nga sama sa Gugmang langitnun.

pastilan pud, kay nganu ang tawhanung gugma dali mapukan sa kalibutanung rasun..

Dali mapapas sa pagsulay sa panahon.

Ang tao mahigugma tungod sa mga rasun nga dili na unta angay..

higugmaun ka dili tungod kay kinsa ka kun dili kung unsa imung madalit kaniya..

Siya mupabilin kung ikaw ngpabiling maanyag sama sa mga artista nga ang lawas kinutlo gikan kay viki belo..

Mas gusto niya makita ang wala kanimu..

Dili niya makita kung unsa imung natural nga kaanyag..

Kay ikaw ikaulaw kung mulanday o malosyang..

ikaw ginakumpara sa uban..

Ikaw gihigugma dili tungod sa imung pgka ikaw..

Kundili sa unsa ka kaanyag sa panan-aw sa uban..

Pagkapait ning tawhanung gugma..

Dili sama sa gugma sa Ginoo..

Maanyag o pangit, tambok o niwang..landay ug losyang..

Ang Diyos walay pinili, walay basehan kung kinsa iyang gihigugma..walay paglubad….

Maskin wala kay ikabalos, si Hesus kung muhigugma sobra pa sa ga uros..

Early in the morning while everybody is still asleep, she’s already awake doing the household chores. Preparing her family’s meal, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, making sure that everything is tidy and in place – these are just few of her many chores at home. When her loved ones are awake she prepares the table, makes sure the uniforms are well pressed, checks if the kids’ assignments are done, reminds everyone to take care and bids goodbye when everybody leaves the house.

Now she’s alone in the house. She washes the dishes, mops the floor, cleans all the dust, tending the laundry, caring the baby and sometimes takes time to earn money even at home. Many says a woman becomes a nagger when she’s married. Well that’s true. Nobody understands why. The husband turns away upon hearing his wife while she nags him. He never pays attention to her whenever she is upset. The children would hate her noise every morning. She wants to express what she feels but nobody has the ear to listen. She becomes a monster in the house due to her nagging attitude. Secretly, she’s laughed at because she already is awful. To everybody, she is never good anymore. But to herself, she’s trying her best to maintain her household, her children and her husband. She is preoccupied with many things that she forgets herself.

A wife eventually becomes an enemy to his husband. He will look at her as the villain to all his plans and decisions. She often is the forgotten one. Often regarded as the housemaid. She cares for her family. Tends to whoever is sick and comforts whoever is down. Her embrace is so warm that her children run to her for comfort and peace.

But when she’s alone nobody asks if she’s tired. Nobody cares if she’s sad and weary. She tends to herself when she’s sick. Indeed, she has no right to be ill. She needs to be well all the time for her family. She cries alone for when she talks to her family if she’s troubled, she uncontrollably burst her feelings, expressing it in a harsh way because she is tired, she is upset that nobody listens. That’s why she nags because she wants to be heard and be cared for.

Almost all couples in this world lose their sense of togetherness because the blame is pointed to the wife. Because she nags. Nagging is the most common trait a woman can have. She never mean it. It just comes out from her system because of what her world is becoming to her. When she nags she doesn’t mean trouble. She just wants to be heard. She nags because she cares, because she loves. She nags because she is devoted to her husband and to her family.

To my mom whom I have outgrown her nagging attitude, I never realized the value of it until I became a mother and a wife. I realized I’m nagging too. But I learned to control it. I don’t promote nagging among wives but the reason why a wife nags is my aim to be known.

A nagging wife is not a bad wife. All she needs is to be heard and that her words are heard and honored. She just needs to be assured that she should be treated still as special for her to regain her worth.

Tears fall endlessly as I was sitting near my baby’s playpen. I gazed at her with a question in my mind, do I deserve all of this? No, don’t think about I’m feeling bad about the baby. My children are my cherished treasure here on earth. While I still live, they will always be my life. The question is about this life I’ve chosen to live, the person I chose to be with and struggles I chose to persevere. Are these the right options I make?

I am a single parent to my son Chris. Unfortunately, I made a wrong choice when I had him. I was so young and naive and so curious of things. Everything then is out of romance and rebellious love. In spite of, Chris is a gift for me because he turned my life around, made me a strong person and made me a tough and independent woman. A single parent as I am, I did everything to raise my son. I was so determined to finish college because of him. Now, I’m already a certified nurse, thanks to Chris who have been the wind beneath my wings.

Nearly Eight years ago, I met this guy in a bar where I used to sing. He was so nice and warm. We became friends and eventually became lovers. I loved him then but the thought of being unsure of my future complicates the idea of getting more closer to him. I was just a vocalist before in music bar and I support Chris through my earnings as a vocalist. I was so doubtful what will I become if I follow my heart again and choose to be with this man. I bravely decided to just get away from the man. I left him and went to another place to seek a much greener pasture. I became a promising vocalist in a band. My earnings tripled and I was so happy that i was really able to support my son Chris, on my own.

I decided to be in school. Pursued nursing. Did singing and schooling at the same time. I was so determined to succeed. Being tired was never in my mind. Sickness never hindered me from pursuing what I wanted. I fearlessly made ways to survive and so I really survived. i succeed. I finished my profession and became a registered nurse. This is not yet the end of the story..

After four years of battling to reach my goal, I really didn’t know if things happen just for an accident or fate, or whatever. I bumped into this guy I fell in love with years ago..he was the one I left because I wanted to pursue my dreams. Many times have I tried to avoid him as I always seen him everywhere. But this time he pursued me and never let me go. And wait, that’s not yet the happy ever after story..

We were together again. So in love as before, adoring each other. But things are complicated because we both had  serious relationships. But that was never an issue. We both left the relationships we had and chose to be with each other. And wait, there’s more.

We decided to live together without the sanctity of marriage. We were so happy then. We were so contented. We were so in love and we simply can’t live without each other. But the happiness we have slowly fade when we start to clash. We love each other undoubtedly. But our attitudes never get along so well. This was the start of the conflicts. Conflicts arise but never resolved. We fight and argue but never talk about it. We have poor communication that we never really talk about the issues and just let those issues hide somewhere..

The baby came. This made us happy and excited. i never noticed I’m already starting to forget about myself, my ambitions, my dreams, my goals in life because I focused myself to this person I love so much. i focused on his needs and wants. I always wanted to be with him always. I never doubted. There are questions playing at the back of my mind but i never cared. I love him so much that i never cared of what will happen tomorrow. I gave up my life to him. I set aside the goals, the ambitions, the dreams. Until the baby came out. Conflicts became so worse than ever. We have conflicts about my son Chris. Almost every aspect is our conflict. We really clash. His beliefs and values are so different from mine. What is right to him is very wrong to me. We never have time to talk. We are just together now because of the baby.

The pain that kills me everyday is the idea that we are never the same couple as before. I am always willing to admit my mistakes. I often tell him how sorry I am but he often rejects me. I am so jobless and he is the one who earn a living to support the “family”.And because of that he is pressured and so stressed that I can see in him the anxiety when the bills come every month. Because of this he drifts himself away from me. As long as he can provide, he never care anymore if we are just fine or not. I become so affected and depressed. I’m jobless. I stay at home 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 30 days a month. i never go out because I am very busy taking care of the kids, the house and the little store. I forgot about myself. All I was thinking was them. my children and my partner. He(my partner) is also busy earning. I can see his sadness whenever he pays a bill and fretfully shows regret over every money spent for the household. He could have spent it for something else for his own. I never questioned his capacity to support us because he really built a house for us. Hunger was never a problem because he supports us well. But I could see his annoyance over these things. I don’t know how to fix all of these. I was so depressed to realize that the conflict has turned into hatred and grudge. Of pride and judgement.

I don’t know where to start now. We are both tired and stressed. I always wanted to talk to him but every time I do so, he thinks I’m starting a fight. He never appreciate me. What he sees in me are my faults and my shortcomings. and little did I know I am also doing the same thing to him. What do I have to do now? At the very rush of day, I’m STILL looking forward that he would come home feeling just fine and happy..happy to see me..but he is not. He sees me as his opponent.

Where has the love gone now? My mind keeps telling me to give up but my heart says i just have to go on and bear everything. Do I deserve all of these? He treats me like nothing now. My shortcomings and faults are his proof that he should hate me. Do I deserve this? I did not commit a serious mistake that I should be treated this way. I never demanded expensive clothes and jewelries. I am just a very plain simple girl who wants to love and be happy. I was never attracted to any man the moment we started. He is my world. Even when I’m angry, i never wanted to lose him. When I say I give up, well that’s just a lie. He is my everything. But now I can’t anymore get the chance to go near him because he makes himself away from me. I’m trying my best to be good to him but he never sees that anymore. Do I deserve all of these?